Monday, April 13, 2009

Blast from the Past: 2006

I know that advertisers are finding new ways to horn in on MLB TV. They're not just buying awards, they're trying to sponsor every segment or every pause.
The worst is the WebMD injury report. Now, this doesn't sound that bad at first. It's flagrant ad-placement, yes, but hey, it's nice to explain to a fan just where the ACL is or what the oblique muscle does. It could be useful.
Instead, WebMD used their CGI 3-d rendering of a human body's musculature to illustrate, for the viewers at home: a sore wrist. I'm not f***ing kidding. How inconceviably DUMB do you have to be to need a TV animation to explain to you what a SORE WRIST is?!

"Phyllis, I've got an ouch."
"Where is your ouch, dear."
"On this part of my body right here (pointing)."
"Where, dear? I can't see you; I'm in the kitchen."
"It's not my hand, and it's not my arm. It's where my hand becomes my arm."
"Oh, your wrist."
"(Pensively) Wrist."
"And does it hurt?"
"It ouches."
"How does it ouch, Willie?"
"It's kind of a slow ouch, but all the time."
"Oh, that means it's sore."
"(Never heard the word before) Sore?"
"Here look, dear, on TV. See the sore wrist?"
"I finally get it now! A wrist -- a sore wrist! That there on TV is a sore wrist!"
"And how do you know it's sore?"
"Because they colored it red!"
"Good, honey. Finish your Spaghetti-Ohs."

By the way, they later used the same animation to explain Scott Rolen's injury. Rolen's injury? "Shoulder fatigue." I don't even want to imagine what poor Willie had to go through to wrap his provincial brain around that one

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